The Secret Garden
A silver-haired man with an anguished intensity in his eyes. Or maybe just desperation. Yeah, probably deperation.
You had quite a successful career as a TV psychic back in the early 90s (Dawn Rising was voted Best New Show on ITV Granada’s late slot in 1993, taking over from The Hitman and Her). Your fortunes waned, however, as cable and satellite TV brought more and more offerings from overseas. You tried a comeback shortly after the millennium, but that bastard Derren Brown dedicated an entire show to exposing you as a fraud. And that was that. It took your marriage to Yvonne Meadows to revitalise your career. Or, more specifically, it took her sex-tape.
You and Yvonne found each other as your own career was on the rocks and hers was floundering. You came together during your 2006 tour of seaside piers and marriage soon followed. A torrid sex-tape emerged soon afterwards, and all of a sudden the pop sensation-turned shopping channel presenter was the talk of the town. Along with Yvonne, you cleverly manipulated this brush with infamy into a contract for a new TV show. And thus Spook Spotters was born!
p.You have been busy with the show ever since. Now in its fifth season, Spook Spotters is suffering from falling viewing figures, mockery in the media, and all manner of scurrilous rumours in the press. But you’ve been down before and risen again. This will be no different. The show, after all, must go on…
Of course, Yvonne’s sex-tape didn’t include you. She cheated on you with one of the stage-hands only weeks after your wedding. You forgave her. Sort of. Deep in your heart, you know that she is a vile, unfaithful slut and is probably cheating on you with someone even now. Weird Pete, knowing your luck. Still, she is your ticket to fame and without her you’d probably be back playing piers and village halls. So for now you keep the dirty tramp around and let her think you dote on her. For now.